It's been said that when a woman or man is single there has to be a reason. Very true. When brought up it seems to imply its for a negative reason. Perhaps my rationalization hamster has kicked in but I'm single because I choose to be. I know that I could be in a relationship if I wanted, but I seem unable to compromise my own desires. I don't have a checklist, but I do have some idea of criteria. Bottom line is it all comes down to this:
Right Person
Right Time
Right Place
My low requirement for social interaction makes me a difficult case especially for right place. Outside of work and exercise I don't really go out much - again by choice. I seem fairly content and despite massive amounts of online dating (in fits and spurts), I realize it wasn't because I needed to get out, it was simply a tool to have more choices.
Hypothetical situation: Meet a guy online, like his picture, like his demeanor (several hours on the phone), he's into you.... Then when you feel like wow this actually feels/looks good you find out there's a fairly significant facial abnormality (think few teeth because of an accident and nothings been done to fix it because of nerve damage), how would your feel? In this situation I think I'd feel very shallow which totally feels wrong. Anyone else have thoughts about this hypothetical situation?
13 comments:
I relate to having a low requirement for social interaction. I think not only does this contribute to not expanding the social circle, it also means having a low threshold for unappealing traits in others and compromise. I'm also really selfish with my free time and doing all the things I really love to do. For me, it's about quality vs quantity on interaction with others; I'd rather get together with the few people here and there that I really like and have good conversation, etc. than lots of random people.
And even though I have the same insecurities other women do (if not more so), I feel like when it comes down to it, I'm less consumed with what men think than a lot of other women I know.
Maybe they're connected.
Regarding the hypothetical situation, if the abnormality lessened my attraction or what I was feeling before, I would politely part ways. As I'm sure he would do the same. Why waste a person's time? No one wants to be pitied, and I don't think it's shallow. However, I would think if the chemistry is strong enough, these things don't always matter - at least for men where physical perfection is not as important. Although I don't know about missing teeth.
"Right Person"
That's why you're doomed.
I want to second Rebekah's comments regarding social interaction. I guess I'd label myself socially selective, quality over quantity. Also shy, lol.
I find it's easiest to meet people at grocery stores, bookstores, work or work-related functions, or the Internet.
But yeah, I don't know if the teeth defect was just an example, but I prefer a partner with "good" teeth. I think lots of people do, actually.
I met him today. I didn't feel good about simply rejecting him without meeting him. He has zero as in no front teeth! I found this terribly unattractive, not to mention he had a hard time with S'sss, something I didn't notice on the phone.
He had said he was a professional, but it turns out he is in a low income bracket and shares an apartment with room mates and isn't close to moving out or affording to.
Right person doesn't mean perfect btw.
Rebekah we share very similar traits - a reason we get on so well!
To be a fly on the wall at that meeting. :) Poor thing, he could probably get hooked up with some dentures if he tried. Yeah, that would be disturbing...did he ask to see you again?
Anonymous,
The grocery store has been one of the places I've probably been approached the most, which I've always thought was strange. In a social situation going out with friends and I'm never approached. I must look like an easy target while shopping.
The real non hypothetical guy seems wholly unsuitable. Low income and living with roommates in the age range you're looking at for a mate is simply unacceptable for you, and should be.
If let's say he had a front tooth or two missing, but made six figures, and was otherwise sympatico (which is a big leap), and assuming that really turned you off as it would most N. American women of your social status and looks, I'd suggest you be prepared to write him off - but give him a chance.
That is a chance to change his teeth situation. With a six figure income he can afford to. As well I don’t know if the Canadian NHS covers that sort of dental. There are tooth implants these days. They drill into your jaw, screw in a post, then attach a porcelain artificial tooth. Expensive for several but not ruinous for someone in the upper middle class.
Btw, part of why I think it’s off putting to girls in your situation is not just the looks factor, but the social class signaling factor. It’s just unacceptable for higher status males in N. America to not have decent looking front teeth, even as seniors. Dentures or something at the minimum.
But as I've been writing this out it's occurred to me that if he hasn't realized this himself, before your nudging him, there are things seriously wrong with him.
So never mind, NEXT.
What I don't completely get is what went wrong with Frenchi.
Or rather why he didn't give you more attention.
The leading theory and one I shared was that he has someone else, who's at least closer and more convenient, and maybe who he's also more attracted to. However this doesn't seem completely certain to me.
Have you ever asked him if that's the case, point blank?
Doug1:
Because the advice men give women in the manosphere, while well intentioned, is often shit.
I'd second doug's comments, and I'm a woman...
Doug I did ask Frenchi about three weeks ago during a phone call (he phoned me). I asked i there was another woman. He said no there wasn't and he didn't see the reason for lying.
None of it makes sense to me. I haven't heard from him for two weeks. Last I heard he said he'd contact me the next day and that was it. Disappeared again.
As to toothless wonder (NO UPPER TEETH AT ALL) that's a story all to itself. That post NEEDS to be written.
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