New Year's Ex

I have made a decision not to talk about any potential suitors in this blog - my fear is I look for a storyline in my meetings and potentially sabotage something good. (I actually don't really believe that, but because there's a slim chance, I'm going to take the precaution).

That does not stop me from talking about ex's!  Woo hoo!  Heh.

I went out on New Year's Eve with an ex, who was involved in my life in 2010.  I've written about him here but am too lazy to get the link. He was the first owner of the trailer that is now in the hands of frenchi. I need to write a book called, "The Sisterhood of the Travelling Trailer".  I saw this ex last February while I was seeing frenchi and we caught up.  It was one of those meetings where you realized you'd escaped a crazy life.  I dumped him, but pretty much because he'd refused me physical affection (yes sex) after four weeks apart.  I knew something was up.  Turns out when we met in February last year to catch up he told me he'd restarted a relationship with his ex gf (not wife, she was divorcing him).  This was a girl he called Smelly Nelly because she had a body odor in a particular location.  Gross.  Turns out during our February meeting he was banging the landlady, his teenage crew-helper,  his ex-gf and had just met another chick.  Fine upstanding gentleman.  I was seeing frenchi and falling in love, so trust me my feelings weren't hurt.

So recently he was coming in to town, over the holiday,  to visit his children and wanted to catch up with me.  He asked me out for New Year's Eve.  I said yes.  But when the day arrived I had no desire to go.  I text him:

Me: Hey I understand if plans change for dinner.  You don't have much time with your kiddies.

Him: No I wanna see you.

Him: Unless you don't wanna see me.

Me: (sigh and lying).  No, it would be great to catch up.

Details about time and place - 6 or 7 pm - ensue.

5:15 pm   Me: Will you hate me if I cancel tonight?

He calls me immediately and says he has nothing to do, everyone is busy - yada yada yada.  I feel sorry for him.  I tell him I'm not putting any effort into getting ready because I'm really not feeling like going out.  He's like I'll come to your place and we can watch a movie.  I'm like no...we'll meet...(and I tell him the place).  He says I'll pick you up.  Fine.

He picks me up and I'm in the vehicle before he can get out and open the door for me.  He has a bunch of flowers for me.  I thank him.  He tells me he has to get gas and we head to a station.

While he's in the vehicle and its filling I see that he's texting on his iPhone and his most recent ex's name is at the top of it.

Me: Who are you texting.

Him: (insert his son's name).

Me: Wow he sure has a girly name as a handle.  (and I laugh).

He looks mortified.

Him: (laughing nervously) Well you kinda backed me into a corner.

Me: Ya I should have just asked how your ex is doing instead of looking like I was trying to trap you.

I assured him I could care less who he texts.

We go out for wine and we catch up on past history.  He takes great pains to assure me his thing with the ex is over and that she's an emotional basket case.  Truthfully he never says nice things about his ex's and I can only imagine what he says about me.  But during our dinner tells me he dreams of my fanny (south african term that doesn't mean ass).  I know he's hoping he's going to see it again that night.   I have zero attraction to him, I can see that he's attractive, but I know too much and there's no going back.  We talk about a variety of subjects like work, dating etc.  I tell him he should look to date younger because that would make sense for him.  I don't think he likes that I'm talking about who he should date, because he's trying to act like he wants to date me.  "I was really screwed up at the time..." etc.  I said I remember you said it was because I'm sexually intimidating.  He said well no that's not true he said that because he was "messed up".  He's digging himself deeper.  I laugh when I remind him he'd turned down physical action with me.  He says, "I think you're an angry bird.".  I said, "right now?" and he's like, "ya".  I said I have no ill will or hard feelings about you, that was in the past, I've fallen in love since then.  I said these are just the facts (and they were, trust me, delivered with humour).  I know he had to 'blame' me for the turn of events, it was very clear he wasn't getting any.  So he asked if he could share his texts that he'd had with his most recent ex.  I said "sure."

Him: So there's no romantic feelings that you have for me.

Her:  No, I'm afraid I don't.  My kids really like you and I wish it could be different, but I'm afraid there's nothing there.

Him: Thanks, I just needed to know that.

I nearly laughed out loud.  So as he's trying unsuccessfully to seduce me he's texting her about romantic feelings.  He knew there was no hope, but why shoot yourself in the foot at the same time?  It was amusing that he told me.

Sadly when he dropped me off I forgot about the flowers in the vehicle which must have been an even bigger bruise to his ego.

Side Note: He asked about the blog.  This was after it was pretty clear nothing was going anywhere and he said do you still record that "My Big Yap" thing.  I knew then that he'd read it.  I have never told any guy the name of my blog, nor about the YouTube channel "The Mouth Piece".  I said "ahhhhh you found it".  I said I did have 1 reader from your community, I guess it was you.  He said, "noooo it wasn't me".  I laughed.  I think it was pretty passive aggressive to call it My Big Yap, but truth be told, ya I do yap about boyfriends.  Not anymore....I will reserve that for my famous ex's.

Haven't done a Mouth Piece in a while so here's a very teeny, tiny one: