I'd say another bites the dust but...

So I meet this guy online.  Fine...I message him first.  I liked his profile and I went against my standard practice of letting guys contact me first.  It took a couple of days to write for him to write me back.  The correspondence started before Christmas fyi.  Our email exchange was slow.  I'd write him back, he'd take a few days to get back to me.  I wondered if it was aloof game.  He told me he was never in a hurry to meet women, even though some women pushed for it.  I waited for him to take the lead, didn't push for a phone call or a meeting.  Typically I like to meet quickly because in my experience you can't know if you like someone until you see them in 3D.  I'm betting there were a lot of mail order brides back in the day who ended up pretty disappointed when they finally met their pen pall.  Ooooops I may be jumping ahead.

We didn't end up talking until I was in the Rocky Mountains which was only a couple of weeks ago.  Things seemed alright.  We did talk a bit about men and women and the differences and he showed a little bitterness about women saying they wanted nice guys but really they didn't.  I told him that what they don't want is men who will give in to their every desire and have none of their own.  I told him women want men of character and values but are capable of making decisions.  He didn't really get it and the first red flag went off.  He still didn't ask to meet.  At this point we were exchanging text messages on a daily basis.  Then suddenly in a text message he said we should officially be a couple.  Now hold the phone! We hadn't met yet and I had been upfront with him when talking and said I reserve compatibility until the meeting.  He said he wanted to get to know me better before meeting.  That should have been the 3nd red flag.  I stopped communicating in text and worded an email that said I felt he was jumping the gun and didn't think it was wise to label us a couple at this point.  He responded back in a good way and made me genuinely wonder if I'd misread his text.

Last Friday night he gave me a call and as he talked it came out that he was over six feet tall.  I told him that if we worked out he would be the tallest guy I'd ever dated and that would be cool because I could wear four inch heels without worrying. At this point he said he hoped I wasn't wanting perfection.  I said of course not I'm not perfect.  Then he told me that he hadn't told me something about himself.  I jokingly respnoded by saying, "you're in a wheelchair!"  He said no that he'd been in an accident and had lost some teeth a couple of years earlier.  He said he was self concious about it.  I asked him if they were fixable and he indicated yes, that he needed to get a partial plate but hadn't done it yet.  He also indicated he had had a girlfriend who quite liked them the way they were.  I have to say it did put me off. Why wait so long to tell me?  Why send me text pictures of an attractive face and have me comment on them and not tell me there's more to it?

So then  on Saturday I had the cable guy coming over (sounds so cliche) to transfer all my services to another provider.  It was going to take a few hours to do it.  I told the online guy that the cable guy arrived.  When I got another text from him I ignored it because I was getting a lesson from the cable guy on how to use my remote (there's a joke in there somewhere).  When the guy left I sent online guy a text saying I was sorry I hadn't responded earlier but I was getting a lesson from the cable guy.  His text to me was:  "It took two hours?".  I read it as doubt.  I responded politely but then added it sounds like you were doubting the time it took.  He responded back that he was allowed to tease me and I quote "neener neener". Ummmm I thought that's weird.  I was also struggling because I felt shallow for feeling much less interest in this guy now that I knew about the teeth, but wavered because I thought hockey players have missing teeth and they're not so bad. Suddenly his financial situation became important, I wondered if his lack of ability to fix his teeth was money. He had indicated he lived with room mates, why was that I wondered?  I wasn't feeling good about the situation.  I wrote him an email on Sunday, making sure I didn't go in the teeth direction but basically told him I felt that things were off.  He responded saying he was coming into my town and would take me out for coffee.  I didn't hesitate to say yes.  I thought it would be unfair to make a judgement without meeting him.  That he asked me to dress up sexy should have been warning number 1000?  I told him I lived in that town and that although I dressed attractively I wouldn't be looking like a tramp.

We meet.  Oh my freaking for the love of god no.  He had NO, as in ZERO upper teeth.  I'm sorry no one can pull off that look.  No one.  NO ONE!

We enter the establishement where I am known to hang out with friends.  Thankfully there's barely anyone in there.  I catch the cute server girl I know trying to scope the guy out.  He stares at me when we sit down, I try not to look horrified.  He gives a quick smile and then returns his face to neutral, he must know a smile isn't a good look for him.  He wants to know if I'm going to eat.  First it's 3:30 in the afternoon, so I'm not hungry and second I have no desire to watch him eat.  I order a diet coke with a slice of lime.  He gets an ice tea.  There is zero rapport.  He doesn't have enough charm to pull it off.  The conversation didn't flow and I ask him about his economic situation.  He gives me a sad story about being down and out but he's on his way back.  This guy's look reflects it.  He tells me he likes how I look and how I'm dressed.  I'm so far above his current situation it's painful.  I say that men are luckier than women because they can pull off good looks with a simple wardrobe.  I'm actually throwing him a bone.  He picks it up by saying that men who dress nice think they're all that and fake.  Ummmm... I bring up the text he sent and say that it threw me off.  He gets defensive and tells me that it was a joke and he'd put lol after it.  I say no it didn't but regardless it wasn't funny regardless.  He looks the text up and admits it didn't have lol, but continues to tell me it was a joke.  I look at him and tell him he's digging a bigger hole.  He sheepishly agrees it wasn't funny and says "I'm sorry."  Now most people would know it was over at this point but he doesn't get it.  He asks me what I think of us a couple and I can tell he genuinely thinks I might have a positive answer.  I say that I don't think we're a match and his face falls down.  I say that although I'm not looking to be cared for I'm looking for someone in my socio-economic bracket so that combining forces could allow for a very nice life.  It's awkward.  I have never in my life had that discussion during a meeting.  There is a huge power imbalance and it's entirely in the opposite direction of what I like.  I tell him I am very analytical and that might drive him crazy (trying to give him an out) and he says he really likes how I am.  I say that I really like intellectual discussion and he says he can do that.  I ask him what he'd like to talk about and he looks at me and says "I'd like you to kiss me now".  I responded without thinking, "NO!".  I was shocked (and horrified) truth be told and my no came out like it had been fired from a gun.

The meeting wrapped up shortly thereafter and we headed for our respective vehicles.  I asked him if I could contact him.  My purpose was to have a few kind words to say for closure.  The NO allowed no room at that point and I knew anything I said at this point would be patronizing.  There was more contact but that's my next post.  Needless to say I hope I don't need to get law enforcement.