Off Roading

I've been thinking about my motives for writing this blog.  In the beginning I had an idea, but it's strayed from it and now it's not important enough to go back to.   When I first discovered the concept of Game as a thing to study I was fascinated. I was also horrified to see how men viewed women.  Underneath all the political correctness there's a seething resentment combined with bitterness and in some case hatred.  I wanted to get educated and adjust if necessary my own behavior.  I learned about the hamster and shit tests and divorce unfairness.  I learned that men value youth, beauty and femininity.  Actually those latter three were no surprise truthfully, even when I fantasize I make myself young and beautiful - why wouldn't a man?   I wanted to seek truth and the fact is you can't find it.  Everyone has their own version of it based on their own experience.  There are moral absolutes for me, but they're not for everyone.  I do believe there are some aspects of evolutionary biology at play which can explain mating behaviours but there are many nuances that are societal, cultural and experiential which muddy the waters.

I have some choices to make in the days ahead, maybe it'll take months, but I have to decide what my purpose is in writing here.  It's a diary but is it accomplishing anything?  Am I better off because I write it or worse off?  Do I consider each man I meet a new storyline?  I'd like to to think not, but there's potential.  Has my rationalization hamster out ran any logic I thought I had?  Is there any purpose in keeping half naked pictures or for that matter pictures at all?  I know how the brain works and pictures do attract and hook people - but...have they also taken something away?

I feel like I'm on the cusp of a new voyage, one I've delayed taking for one reason or another.  Perhaps because I have more time to myself ala the new business I am able to spend more time in self reflection and think that maybe I have some growing up to do.  At the very least I know I'm socially isolated and have done so even in the sphere of the internet - I'm an introvert despite what my outward behaviour shows people and I'm tired of it.  People seem to have high expectations of me after they meet me, I think I'm placed on pedestals and when I show I'm flawed like everyone else they're quick to leave me.  I actually erased that italicized line when it sounded too high and mighty but then realize this is some of the behaviour I need to fix and will leave it in.  Because that may be the lie I've told myself.  So if anything this blog needs to be about the lies I have told myself and the truth that needs to set me free.

It seems rather timely that I'm thinking of this stuff as 2012 approaches, but for  me that's incidental  I've had a tough couple of years and I need to change something for 2012 to be better.  If I want to change the dance, the dancer needs new steps.  So bear with me dear readers the journey may get bumpy  as I try to take some off-road trails.

Some developing themes:

• Why I post pictures...or at least why I started.
• Why I am single
• What sex means to me
• What sexual deviancy means to me
• Entrepreneurial experience